Why Christmas should be postponed

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We have just a few weeks until Christmas and none of my uncles have called me to say, “Eniola, send your account details, let me send you something for Christmas.”

All my aunts are quiet, and my mother is using side eyes to ask me if I will not give her something for Christmas.

As if that is all, two of my friends have decided to get married in December. This same December 2021. For perspective, one of them is having an elaborate introduction party, while the other person is having a full blown wedding party in Abuja. Not even Lagos o. And to each person, a specific aso-ebi color.

Meanwhile, as it stands like this, I’m likely to trek to Abuja because the aso-ebi price is competing with plane ticket prices, and I have weighed my options. First woman to trek from Lagos to Abuja, give me my flowers.

I have pondered on this issue like “Should I run away? Or should I start a church?” Because if we decide to measure height together, these bills are taller than me despite that I’m about 5 ft 10.

I thought that was all until last Saturday, I was walking home when my hairdresser screamed my name at the top of her voice, “Eniola!!!”

I confidently turned to the left because the last time i checked, I am not owing anybody money. I found my hairdresser standing hands akimbo in front of her saloon. I walked up to her with smiles hoping that she was going to share some good news about Christmas hair discounts with me, but instead, guess what she said to me?

“Enny, you know that in 2021, you made your hair only once, na so so wig-wig-wig ahahn, you no dey tire?”

Ladies and gentlemen, this cantankerous woman has the loudest voice you’ve ever heard. Her pitch can be compared to Sia’s voice even though she doesn’t belong in the church choir.

Yet, she decided to ask me such a disgraceful question in public. I smiled and responded, “Is that why you called me?”

“Yes,” she replied. “Is that not enough reason? Come and do Christmas hair, I need money,” she added, playing with my round cheeks. Okay o, I’ve heard you, I replied walking away from her.

On my way home, all my prayers were just that I should see one container full of dollars, or it should start raining pounds sterling on my head so that i can sort all these out.

But since that won’t happen, don’t you think we should postpone this year’s Christmas?

Omorinkoba Eniola is a storyteller.

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172 COMMENTS

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